Spider On My Ceiling
by kazechyme
Summary: Rodney McKay looked up from his laptop and saw what he couldn’t possibly believe he saw. It was dangling from the ceiling, slowly spinning its web, the spindly legs working at an ungodly pace. (Just a little light humor for y'all! Enjoy)


_A/N: Hi y'all! Well, this is my first SGA fic and I must say that I love this show dearly. Anywho, if you're looking for deep, mindblowing characterizations, you've got the wrong story. In fact, there are plenty of other SGA fics that are incredibly awesome and you should definitely check those out! This story that you're about to read is mainly light, light humor and can be slightly OOC. Oh well, on with the show! _

_ Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate: Atlantis or anything else pertaining to it in my story. I might, however, own the spider... because it actually __is hanging from my ceiling._ _Though, I don't know if that actually counts as me owning it..._

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**There's A Spider Hanging On My Ceiling**

Rodney McKay looked up from his laptop and saw what he couldn't possibly believe he saw. It was dangling from the ceiling, slowly spinning its web, the spindly legs working at an ungodly pace.

"Major!" he radioed.

McKay slowly stood up from his work bench, all the while gazing cautiously at the eight-legged creature. It was hovering before the doorway—his only means of escape. If he made a dash for it, the creature would probably drop down on top of him and who knew what horrific events would follow.

"Sheppard!" he hissed into the radio.

A groggy voice answered him, "Do you know what time it is?"

"Sorry to wake you from your nap but there is a situation in my lab that requires your utmost attention," Rodney replied sternly, not taking his eyes off of the furry, many-eyed menace.

"From my nap? It's 04:00 hours!" Sheppard exclaimed.

"It's an emergency!" Rodney said with a little more urgency, "It's hanging from my ceiling—there's no time to explain—"

While he was talking, he was blindly backing away to the far wall. Unfortunately, he bumped into a lone stool that blocked his path, leading him to tumble down in a loud crash.

XXXX

John Sheppard was peacefully sleeping before a loud voice shook him awake.

"Major!" Rodney yelled from the radio.

John sighed and looked at his watch.

"Do you know what time it is?" he answered, hoping that he was still dreaming.

"Sorry to wake you from your nap but there is a situation in my lab…" Rodney rambled.

Sheppard only managed to catch the word 'nap' and 'situation' in his state of drowsiness.

"From my nap? It's 04:00 hours!"

"It's an emergency!" Rodney cried out, "It's hanging from my ceiling—there's no time to explain—"

There was a loud crash on Sheppard's end of the radio.

"McKay!" Sheppard yelled.

He instantly woke up and got dressed. Something had gotten into Rodney's lab and he probably had to stop it before it threatened the rest of Atlantis.

As he ran down the corridor, he radioed Ford, "Hey Ford, there's trouble in McKay's lab. Meet me there ASAP."

John didn't hear from Ford until a few moments later.

"Sir, is this some kind of joke?"

Sheppard could hear Ford's grin from across the radio.

"Not this time. Get up and go."

"Should I call back-up?"

Sheppard thought for a moment. It was a good idea. McKay didn't exactly describe what had attacked him, but it was better safe than sorry.

"Do it," he ordered as he approached the lab.

He crept up to the doorway and took a deep breath. Whatever was in there, he was going to be prepared for it. As he stood there, a flurry white something flew past him. He furrowed his eyebrows as he focused on what had just come out of the room. It was a crumbled ball of paper.

"What the— " he mumbled as he stepped in front of the door.

"What's going on here?" John said angrily.

"Ford!" he radioed, but before he could give another order, something knocked the radio out of his hand.

XXXX

McKay was sprawled on the floor with the stool and some instruments scattered around him. He heard Sheppard call out his name. He sat up and looked for the radio but it had slid away from him and was now directly beneath the creature that hung from the ceiling.

"Rodney, you're a genius. There's nothing that physics can get you out of," he whispered to himself.

He stood up and began to gather some materials. After a few moments, he had created something that resembled a slingshot.

"Now, if my calculations are correct, I can get rid of the nuisance by knocking it out of the room, but I should test run it first… Not that it won't work on the first try… My plans always work afterall…"

He took a piece of paper and crumbled it up. Placing it in the slinging apparatus, he measured the distance with his eyes. It was a clear shot. He pulled the rubber band back and let the paper fly. It missed the target, flying a few inches to its left, and disappeared out the door.

"Perfect, you've done it again," Rodney said in self-congratulations.

From his desk, he took a paper weight and prepared it for launch.

"Remember to adjust for the weight of the object," he told himself as he pulled the rubber band further.

Suddenly, Major Sheppard appeared at the door, angrily eyeing Rodney.

"What's going on here!" he barked and then turned to his radio, "Ford—"

McKay was taken by surprised and accidentally fired the slingshot. The paper weight had completely missed the target and hit the radio out of Sheppard's hand instead.

"Major," Rodney greeted him.

He tried to smile as best he could but couldn't hide his fear under John's vehement glare.

"I'm so gonna kill you!" Sheppard declared as he lunged at the scientist.

XXXX

Aiden Ford tossed and turned in his bed. He was having a hard time getting to sleep but soon began to feel that he was finally going to get the rest that he deserved.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Sheppard's voice sounded from the radio, "Hey Ford, there's trouble in McKay's lab. Meet me there ASAP."

He sounded like he was running in the corridors.

Ford was reluctant to answer. He had been tricked before and he didn't want to be tricked again.

"Major, is this some kind of joke?" Ford said, grinning to himself for catching the Major in his tracks.

"Not this time. Get up and go," Sheppard ordered.

He sounded genuinely urgent this time. Casting off all doubts, Ford decided that it was the real thing. He got up and got his gear ready.

"Should I call back-up?"

"Do it," his CO commanded.

Ford nodded, even though he knew Sheppard couldn't see him.

The Major radioed in again, "Ford—"

The transmission ended abruptly. It ended too abruptly, causing the young lieutenant to fear for the worst.

"Major!" Ford yelled.

"Bates, get a team down to McKay's lab right away. I think the Major's down," he ordered.

"Roger that Lieutenant," Bates answered.

Ford had his P90 ready as he inched closer to the door. Like Sheppard, he took a deep breath in preparation for what was coming. Unlike Sheppard, however, he waited for Bates and his team to show up before doing anything.

When they finally came, Ford motioned for them to take positions as he got ready to charge into the room. He needed to save both Sheppard and McKay at any cost. He took another deep breath and jumped into the room, gun in hand, ready to fire.

He pictured a glorious gun blazing battle against whatever monster, demon, creature, and/or whacked out alien that held his CO and the Chief Scientist. Once he gunned the thing down, he would free his friends and they would be indebted to him for saving their lives. Yeah, he would have liked that, but what happened was absolutely nothing like he imagined.

"What the hell are you two doing?" Aiden inquired, lowering his gun.

John had his hands wrapped around McKay's neck, while the scientist feebly slapped at the major's face. They both stopped and turned to look at Ford. Well, since McKay was still being choked, his eyes shifted to where Ford stood.

"What does it look like? He's trying to kill me!" McKay squeeled.

John released his grip on him.

"Yeah, you would too if you knew what his definition of 'emergency' was," he said to Ford, who was seriously doubting if his commanding officer was in his right mind.

"Okay guys, I've got Bates and some back-up waiting outside," Ford informed them, "But, seriously, is this another joke?"

"Look, I only needed someone in here right away so I contacted Sheppard," McKay said as he plopped down onto his work bench, "I didn't think half the military would show up at my doorstep!"

"Well excuse me for thinking we'd need back-up for an _emergency_!" Sheppard fired back.

"Alright, what's this emergency you keep talking about?" Ford asked, who was beginning to think they had pulled another fast one on him.

McKay sighed, "Hanging on my ceiling was a deadly, black, beady-eyed, multiple-legged, fiber spinning monstrosity that probably came from the deep dark recesses of this galaxy!"

"It was a harmless spider," Sheppard corrected, "which I had the honor of shooing out of here."

Bates radioed in to Ford, "Lieutenant, is everything alright in there?"

Ford was somewhat skeptical himself, but with Sheppard and McKay arguing as usual, everything seemed to be normal.

"It's fine here. The Major took care of the… disturbance," Ford said, smiling at the two. Oh yes, they were indebted to him indeed, but not they way he had planned it. Some would call it blackmail—he didn't see it that way though.

"Thanks Ford," Sheppard said.

"A spider…" Ford uttered and burst out laughing, not able to contain it any longer.

"A spider was hanging on my ceiling! It's not my fault if primal fear takes over," McKay said defensively.

"That's enough! I'm going back to sleep and you all should too," Sheppard said as he headed out the door.

"Right behind you sir," Ford said, still laughing.

McKay sat in his laboratory in silence.

"Come to think of it, when did Atlantis ever have spiders?"

The End

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_Okie dokie__, there you go! And you're still alive, good for you!_  



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